Time is ticking away
Yet another unproductive day. Today was my day off. I didn't drag myself out of bed until 2 in the afternoon, so most of my day had already pasted by. I didn't go to bed last night till about 4 or 5 in the morning because I was on the net. I have gotten in the habit of reading a least an hour before I go to bed but tonight (or this morning) I didn't even read before I went to bed because I used the excuse that I was tired. I was tired but I had time to get on the net but I didn't have time for God.
I'm still fighting the war with my eating disorder and today I lost the war. I hate how much I let food control my life. I went to the beach today and I couldn't even enjoy it because I was letting food control my mind and emotions. My plan was to go to the beach and enjoy the beautiful scenery that God created and spend some quite time with Jesus. Then when I got back home in the evening, I was going to go workout. Well lets just say I didn't follow my plan and I didn't get anything accomplished today. I have a headache and body aches and it is telling me it didn't like what I am doing to it.
The more I worship food the further away I feel from God and I don't like that feeling. I don't like the feeling that I'm backsliding and I don't like the feeling that I am disappointing Him. I'm getting to the point where I'm getting sick and tired of being sick and tired again. When I get to that point, that is usually when turn my life around and finally get it together and get my life balanced but it makes me mad that I let myself slide again to that dark and evil place that I am so familiar with. I'm so disappointed in how I'm acting. I know better than to live like this.
Although I am so thankful for God's unconditional love through all of this because I remember how I felt going throughout the battle without him. There were so many days that I was so depressed that I didn't even want to get out of bed. God has given me everything I need to get through this, I'm just not being obedient and taking advantage of everything He has blessed me with.
One thing I have been noticing is that I eat when things don't turn out the way I hoped they would have turned out, when people disappoint me and when I don't have the control to change something. I know that God wants me to stop trying to control my life and surrender it all to Him. There is not a doubt in my mind that when I do totally surrender to him and when I stop trying to control and run my own life, that I will be finally free from this bondage. I am just need give Him my whole life and He will fight my battles for me.
On a happy note, one thing I am proud of myself for is the fact that I haven't given up and I'm not going to give up. With the Lord's help, I'm going to win this battle. God has already showed me I can overcome this battle and He has already showed me the prize. I just need to show Him my love and obedience...
I'm still fighting the war with my eating disorder and today I lost the war. I hate how much I let food control my life. I went to the beach today and I couldn't even enjoy it because I was letting food control my mind and emotions. My plan was to go to the beach and enjoy the beautiful scenery that God created and spend some quite time with Jesus. Then when I got back home in the evening, I was going to go workout. Well lets just say I didn't follow my plan and I didn't get anything accomplished today. I have a headache and body aches and it is telling me it didn't like what I am doing to it.
The more I worship food the further away I feel from God and I don't like that feeling. I don't like the feeling that I'm backsliding and I don't like the feeling that I am disappointing Him. I'm getting to the point where I'm getting sick and tired of being sick and tired again. When I get to that point, that is usually when turn my life around and finally get it together and get my life balanced but it makes me mad that I let myself slide again to that dark and evil place that I am so familiar with. I'm so disappointed in how I'm acting. I know better than to live like this.
Although I am so thankful for God's unconditional love through all of this because I remember how I felt going throughout the battle without him. There were so many days that I was so depressed that I didn't even want to get out of bed. God has given me everything I need to get through this, I'm just not being obedient and taking advantage of everything He has blessed me with.
One thing I have been noticing is that I eat when things don't turn out the way I hoped they would have turned out, when people disappoint me and when I don't have the control to change something. I know that God wants me to stop trying to control my life and surrender it all to Him. There is not a doubt in my mind that when I do totally surrender to him and when I stop trying to control and run my own life, that I will be finally free from this bondage. I am just need give Him my whole life and He will fight my battles for me.
On a happy note, one thing I am proud of myself for is the fact that I haven't given up and I'm not going to give up. With the Lord's help, I'm going to win this battle. God has already showed me I can overcome this battle and He has already showed me the prize. I just need to show Him my love and obedience...
posted by ENS at 11:03 PM
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