Not again...

Today I left the door open for the devil. I went to the farmers market and since I 'deserved it', I gave myself permission to eat some fried calamari. I didn't deserve it, but my flesh thought so though. I disobeyed by choosing to be led by the flesh instead of the spirit. Since my mentality is still screwed up, I decided that I was going to eat some more stuff that I know I should not be eating because I ready sinned once today it's not going to matter if I sin the rest of the day. Then, after all that, I decide I want some ice cream and Lord knows how I am about ice cream. I probably spent almost an hour searching and driving around for an ice cream place. It's crazy to think that a thing such a ice cream can control a person like it has controlled me in my life. After I gave into my fleshly desire, it gave me another desire to get more. That's when I God showed me that my tomorrow, along with my vision and dreams are not guaranteed. He can take me out of this world anytime He feels like it. How scary is that...? God as been so gracious and loving with me on this issue and everyday I keep living this way, I experience a little more of his disappointment and punishment. I want to make God proud of me and I want to see Him smile down on me. I don't want to see him angry and disappointed at me. I long to hear him say to me, "well done my good and faithful servant".