The continuous pruning by God's shears
God continues to work in me and bring me a place to total surrender. The last couple of days, I started to hate my job. I know that this job is God's purpose for my life right now and it is something that I have to go through and quitting is not an option. Work is getting to the point where there is a lot demanded from me and I feel unable to meet the demands. And having to battle an eating disorder makes things that much more complicated. Today was a stressful day and a number of things just set me off. I broke down and I couldn't hold back the tears at work. I'm starting to feel the fear of the realization that I'm not in control and I don't know what to do. I started to get upset and frustrated because no matter what I do, I can't change myself, my circumstances, or the people I manage. I tried to hold the tears back as much as I could and get myself together, but I couldn't.
My boss found out that there was something wrong and he wanted to talk to me. I had a good cry and conversation with him. I feel very blessed to have a boss such as him. He has so much wisdom and is a wonderful leader. He told me that I'm doing fine at work and I'm being to hard on myself and that I'm trying to control things that I never will be able to control. Plus, the things that I need to work on, I need to work on them one step at a time. I'm one of those people who demand perfection from myself and I'm impatient if I don't achieve excellence immediately.
My work always gets hard when I lose the focus of Who put me there. God has a purpose for me at that job and he wouldn't have asked me to do it if he didn't think I could do it. But the only way I can do my job is if I totally surrender to Him. I must not fear or get discourage over my circumstances and I must pray and have faith that He is in control over everything and He will give me favor. God will continue to let me wear myself out until I give up all the power to Him in all areas of my life, not just work. The only way I'm going to have peace is to surrender everything to God.
Even in the midst of the biggest storm I've faced, things are not out of control. God is still on His throne and He is working out His good and perfect plan concerning all of us. God vision and horizon is so much larger we can even imagine. He sees the whole picture. God wants to get us out of our little world, and affliction pushes us out of out little world, to see His big plan
Oh Jesus have mercy on me! Hear my poverty stricken heart that acknowledges my great need for you. Purify my heart. Strengthen me through my daily santifications and help me to run the race with perseverance.
Anything that makes me need God is a blessing. God wants to release His spirit through me and He can and He will when He finds that my humble, broken, contrite heart has been emptied of self so that He might fill it with Himself. Thank God that He never gets tired of us crying out to Him. God will never create for us a life that makes Him unnecessary and He will never demand faith beyond our experiences with Him. It's going to take faith to bring me out and to straighten me up. He is the God that supplies before there is a need. The darkness of my presence situation is proof that He already provided the strength necessary to bring me out. If I persevere, He will become the God of my present and He will show up right on time. I have more to reach out to then to hold on to!
I'm very proud of myself and thankful for God's help because today when my emotions were running ragged and I needed comfort, I turned to God instead of food.
17The Lord is [rigidly] righteous in all His ways and gracious and merciful in all His works. 18The Lord is near to all who call upon Him, to all who call upon Him sincerely and in truth. 19He will fulfill the desires of those who reverently and worshipfully fear Him; He also will hear their cry and will save them. 20The Lord preserves all those who love Him, but all the wicked will He destroy. -Psalms 145:17-20
17When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears, and delivers them out of all their distress and troubles. 18The Lord is close to those who are of a broken heart and saves such as are crushed with sorrow for sin and are humbly and thoroughly penitent. 19Many evils confront the [consistently] righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. 20He keeps all his bones; not one of them is broken. -Psalms 34:17-20
My boss found out that there was something wrong and he wanted to talk to me. I had a good cry and conversation with him. I feel very blessed to have a boss such as him. He has so much wisdom and is a wonderful leader. He told me that I'm doing fine at work and I'm being to hard on myself and that I'm trying to control things that I never will be able to control. Plus, the things that I need to work on, I need to work on them one step at a time. I'm one of those people who demand perfection from myself and I'm impatient if I don't achieve excellence immediately.
My work always gets hard when I lose the focus of Who put me there. God has a purpose for me at that job and he wouldn't have asked me to do it if he didn't think I could do it. But the only way I can do my job is if I totally surrender to Him. I must not fear or get discourage over my circumstances and I must pray and have faith that He is in control over everything and He will give me favor. God will continue to let me wear myself out until I give up all the power to Him in all areas of my life, not just work. The only way I'm going to have peace is to surrender everything to God.
Even in the midst of the biggest storm I've faced, things are not out of control. God is still on His throne and He is working out His good and perfect plan concerning all of us. God vision and horizon is so much larger we can even imagine. He sees the whole picture. God wants to get us out of our little world, and affliction pushes us out of out little world, to see His big plan
Oh Jesus have mercy on me! Hear my poverty stricken heart that acknowledges my great need for you. Purify my heart. Strengthen me through my daily santifications and help me to run the race with perseverance.
Anything that makes me need God is a blessing. God wants to release His spirit through me and He can and He will when He finds that my humble, broken, contrite heart has been emptied of self so that He might fill it with Himself. Thank God that He never gets tired of us crying out to Him. God will never create for us a life that makes Him unnecessary and He will never demand faith beyond our experiences with Him. It's going to take faith to bring me out and to straighten me up. He is the God that supplies before there is a need. The darkness of my presence situation is proof that He already provided the strength necessary to bring me out. If I persevere, He will become the God of my present and He will show up right on time. I have more to reach out to then to hold on to!
I'm very proud of myself and thankful for God's help because today when my emotions were running ragged and I needed comfort, I turned to God instead of food.
17The Lord is [rigidly] righteous in all His ways and gracious and merciful in all His works. 18The Lord is near to all who call upon Him, to all who call upon Him sincerely and in truth. 19He will fulfill the desires of those who reverently and worshipfully fear Him; He also will hear their cry and will save them. 20The Lord preserves all those who love Him, but all the wicked will He destroy. -Psalms 145:17-20
17When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears, and delivers them out of all their distress and troubles. 18The Lord is close to those who are of a broken heart and saves such as are crushed with sorrow for sin and are humbly and thoroughly penitent. 19Many evils confront the [consistently] righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. 20He keeps all his bones; not one of them is broken. -Psalms 34:17-20
posted by ENS at 2:02 AM
3 Comments:
oh, your last sentence shows such a victory. just keep doing that, one day at a time.
Pity you seem to think that you need to use blind belief in god as a crutch as you go through life. You'll do much better in the long run by simply having faith in yourself. You are off-loading the job of making decisions for yourself onto something that's not real. Consider the parallels between believing that god is telling you to do things, and a schitzophrenic doing things because the voice inside their head tells them so. There is no god; there is yourself, and there are others. Your primary responsibility in life is to yourself. Once you can truly love yourself, alone and in isolation, you will be able to truly love others and find true happiness.
I've never been religious, and I've managed to most of the problems I've faced though my life by actually facing them, which is about the hardest thing a person can do. I have a long way to go, but I am now very happy with a life filled with great experiences and loving people.
Have a read of this site before you waste too much more of your life on religious dogma. Take a moment, throw away the crutch, and face your problems with courage. You can make it!
http://exchristian.net/testimonies/
God bless anonymous here... and you and I know that when his or her human resources and ingenuity are exhausted, God will be right there to help him or her, too.
I hit that wall myself some time ago, after spending years "doing it all myself." And God was there!
I pray for this person, and for you too. Your path is yours alone; stay on it.
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