One more day wasted

Today went well till I got home from work. The hour of time I get home from work is the time I'm the weakest. I have a choice to live out my purpose and go workout or stay home and be a glutton.... Well, I regretfully picked the latter. Yet another day that I was blessed with wasted because of my selfish desires. God is still waiting for me to totally surrender my life to Him again and I'm still waiting for me to pull my head out from where it doesn't belong and wake up. Time is precious and I don't have much more of it before my time is up here on earth to fulfill God's purpose for my life. This is one battle I know I can wait on the Lord to deliver me from. I have to go through the fire and don't give up because it deals with my purpose. If it wasn't for the grace and comfort I have received from the Lord through all of this, I don't know how I could have made it this far without going insane or killing myself... seriously. I have so much hope though because I know that the greater the battle, the greater the glory.

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those who are crushed in spirit."-Psalm 34:18.

"If we share Christ's glory, we must also share his suffering. What we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory he will give us later." -Romans 8:17-18

"Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." -1 Thessalonians 5:18

"Don't be bewildered or surprised when you go through the fiery trials ahead, for this is no strange, unusual thing that is going to happen to you." -1 Peter 4:12

It's great day

Today was a great day. Even though I was awaken by an annoying, loud barking dog for the second day in a row, I was happy God has given me another day, and what a beautiful day it was.

What's better news is that I started out the day not procrastinating. That's a blessing in itself... I even started and finished (in one day!) the Tribute that God has put upon my heart to write to my parents for their 30th Anniversary. I started thinking about the big celebration they have planned and it made me a little home sick. I've been here for a month now and i'm slowing starting to miss home. If it wasn't for the comfort and strength from God, I wouldn't be able to make it.

Today I didn't overeat or eat anything I shouldn't either. Plus, I started my parasite/candida cleanse to get my body healed and functioning properly. This diet limits me from eating fruit, one of the things I'm used to overeating on. It's going to be hard but this is just one of the punishments I have to deal with because I have damage my body. I have faith that God will help me through it. I just have to keep focused on Him and He will fight the battle for me. I have to think and visualize the reward and glory I will get from all this pain and suffering.


Since we have these promises, dear friends, let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God.
– 2 Corinthians 7:1

Not again...

Today I left the door open for the devil. I went to the farmers market and since I 'deserved it', I gave myself permission to eat some fried calamari. I didn't deserve it, but my flesh thought so though. I disobeyed by choosing to be led by the flesh instead of the spirit. Since my mentality is still screwed up, I decided that I was going to eat some more stuff that I know I should not be eating because I ready sinned once today it's not going to matter if I sin the rest of the day. Then, after all that, I decide I want some ice cream and Lord knows how I am about ice cream. I probably spent almost an hour searching and driving around for an ice cream place. It's crazy to think that a thing such a ice cream can control a person like it has controlled me in my life. After I gave into my fleshly desire, it gave me another desire to get more. That's when I God showed me that my tomorrow, along with my vision and dreams are not guaranteed. He can take me out of this world anytime He feels like it. How scary is that...? God as been so gracious and loving with me on this issue and everyday I keep living this way, I experience a little more of his disappointment and punishment. I want to make God proud of me and I want to see Him smile down on me. I don't want to see him angry and disappointed at me. I long to hear him say to me, "well done my good and faithful servant".

Overcoming Procrastination

I need to:
1. Come to the facts that 'There is no easy way'

2. Stop making excuses. Determine to take responsibility for your own time, your actions and your life.
-Excuses are the clutches for the uncommitted

3. Believe God will help.
-Mark 9:23 "Everything is possible for him who believes."
-John 16:33 "In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."
-Philippians 4:12-13 "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

4. Not allow my moods to master me.-We cannot afford to be manipulated by ur mood or the way we feel.
-Most of what is done in this world is done by people who didn't feel like doing it, but did it.
-If I act on truth, my feelings will eventually catch up to the truth.
-Focus on the pain and not the gain. This is one of the way God motives us. The vision has to outweigh the pain of the moment.
-It is Christ's strength that helps us master anything including my bad attitude, my bad mood, and my bad thinking.
-Ask "what would God have me do?" not "what do I feel like doing?"

5. Face your fears.
-2 Timothy 1:7 "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.
-Psalm 27:1-5
"1The Lord is my light and my salvation--whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life--whom shall I be afraid? 2 When evil men advance against me to devour my flesh, when my enemies and my foes attack me, they will stumble and fall. 3Through an army besiege me, my hear will not fear; though war break out against me, even then will I be confident. 4One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple. 5For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling; he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle and set me high upon a rock."
-Romans 8:31 "If God is for us, who can be against us?"

6. Set some deadlines and commit yourself to action.
-Proverbs 21:5 "The plans for the diligent lead to profit."
-Proverbs 13:6 "A wise man plans ahead. A fool does not."
-Proverbs 13:11 "Money that is gained easily disappears quickly, but money that is gathered little by little grows."
-Schedule what you need to do and start doing it little by little.

Procrastination and selfishness

One of my worst habits is procrastination and it is really starting to drive me nuts and stress me out. Already at work I can see where I am procrastinating a lot and I am already making people frustrated with me because of it. Actually, I should have entered this journal entry for yesterday but when I got home from work, I procrastinated long enough to where I got so tired I fell asleep before I did it. This habit of mine is getting out of control.

When I stop to think of the root cause of why I do this, I see that it comes from more than one factor. First it has to do with my indecisiveness. In James 1:8 it says, "A double minded man is unstable in all his ways." indecision will keep you from doing what you ought to do and cause you to procrastinate and your indecision may end up killing you. Plus, you will probably will make fewer mistakes by going ahead and making decisions than you will by delaying and ultimately making no decision at all.

Second factor has to do with perfectionism. How I was raised made me a perfectionist because my parents were perfectionist also. There are times I see myself putting off things while I wait for the perfect time when things are better or perfect. In Ecclesiastes 11:4 it says, "If you wait for perfect conditions, you will never get anything done." Everything will never be just right. There will always be a hundred reasons why this is the wrong time to try anything new or different. The successful person is the person who takes action, who takes the offensive even though the possibility for failure always loom on horizon.

Fear is the third reason. I don't want to fail, but I'm struggling with the fear of failure, the fear of man, the fear of rejection, and the fear of being alone. It crazy to me that I had enough courage to move all the way to California by myself, where I don't know anybody, to start a new job, and have witnessed God working in supernatural ways since I have been here but I still fear the little things I come in contact with daily. I know God did not give us a spirit of fear and knowing that truth has got me here today. I know that God is going to take care of me because of my experiences of how he has in the past. I think the real reason why I have fear is because I fear me being rebellious and not doing what God tell me to and I fear the punishment of that. Which having the fear of God in the way is God. I just need to wake up and do what I am suppose to do before it is too late.

Because I am in management, I daily have to make hard choices and I fear that I will make the wrong choice and I will fail. Because of the area I live in and the associates I manage, I fear that if I make one my associates mad, that they are going to hurt me some how. I know that from Psalm 27:1-5 that if God is for us, who can be against us? I just need to mediate on the scriptures in my head on a DAILY basis and I will lose the fear.

Another fear I have been trying to deal with is the fear of losing my job. Working for the company I work for is fair but it very demanding on the standards of management. I move all the way out here and if I lost my job here I don't know what I would do. I believe that when God closes one door, that he opens a new door. But the thing is, a lot of people know the real reason why I came out here. I felt like God was calling me out here and if I fail, that will make God look like a liar and make me look stupid. I want to influence people to love God, to trust him with all their heart and to have a personal relationship with him. I don't want them doubting him thinking He is not true to his promises.

God just showed me that I need to change my thinking. If I expect to fail and think God is going to let me down, then I am going to fail. If I expect to succeed and expect to experience God's gracious power and love, then I will do just that. He also informed me that you can't just renew your mind once. You have to do it daily to stay strong.

Another reason I procrastinate is because I am LAZY. Proverbs 13:4 says, "Lazy people want much but get little." God has given me the vision and the power to do his will. I just have to make the choice to say no to my fleshy desires to be lazy and to walk in the spirit. Everything I need to have control over the devil God has given me. It is up to me not to give him permission not to control me anymore.

The Spirit of Procrastination whispers to me, "If you delay the decision, the problem will get easier." Bad doesn't get better longer. "Because sentence against an evil work is not executed speedily, therefore the heart for the sons of men is fully set in them to do evil.' -Ecclesiates 8:11. God's remedy against sins and evil is quick and severe action. Evil does not get better if you neglect it. Evil doesn't redeem itself.

Procrastination has cost me opportunities, multiplied my problems, and has hurt other people.

God has given me many opportunities and I am ashamed to think of how many opportunities I have missed because of my procrastination. The person who lives a rich and full life is the person who takes advantage of the opportunities. Time is passing by quickly. Opportunities don't come at convenient times. Time is a precious grace gift from God. What am I doing with the time God has given me.....?

Failed test from God at work today

It was 9:00PM and I was excited about actually being able to get out of the store at the time that I was scheduled to. But before I announced on the walkie that I was leaving, a person that just transfer to the accounting office was having problems and needed some help. Their was 2 managers in the building. Me, who is new and just got of the training and most people were having to train me (and they have been so nice and patient with me since I have been here in treaching how to do stuff, especially on the stuff that I should know by now)and another guy, who has been there for a while and was good at helping and training others. Although, the machine she was using in accounting was not the machine that the other manager trained on so he couldn't help her. It was the machine I trained on so for once, I was the one who actually was able to train someone else. I talked to her over the walkie and we I think figured out what the problem was but I didn't really show the caring and loving attitude that I should have by going back into the building and making sure that was she was ok and that what we thought was the problem was really the problem. After I left I felt the strong convection on God and I'm still regreting the choice I made because I failed the test because I was chooseing to be controlled by what I felt instead of what was right.

Day one of my journal

Today is the first day of my dairy. God has been putting it in my heart to do this a while ago but I have been making excuses not to and have been procratinating like usual but finally i started it.

Today was a good day. Work went well and once again, I experienced God favor on me and he is taking care of me just like he promised. The management team was just as helpful and patient with me today as they have been from day one. Today I didn't worry too much at work. Sometimes I worry a lot and other days I don't much about my job preformance. I know that if I just rest my cares on God and give him all my fears and anxieties, he always takes care of me and gives me supernatural peace. It's just hard sometimes to do that. I didn't experience the fear that I have from the associates that I manage today like i did yesterday. God showed me this verse that gave me peace. "'Don't say that,' the Lord replied, 'for you must go wherever I send you and say whatever I tell you, And don't be afraid of the people, for I will be with you and take care of you.'"

I can definitely sense God showing me what to do at work. For the most part I am obeying but I still am stuggling because of my bad procratination and lazyiness habits along with my uncomfortabliness of having authority and having to tell people what to do. Plus, I'm still stuck in my hourly mentality instead of a salary mentality. I like my job because time goes by so fast because you have so much to do but if you take the time to do the little stuff that you should delegate to your hourly associates, you won't won't have time to do all the things that you need to do during the time you are scheduled to work and you will get stress out. But I am also getting stress out because when I do finally delegate something to someone, most of the time it never gets done. It's hard managing people with the work ethic they have out here.

My life is still out of balance but I am definitely getting better. I'm still letting my flesh control my life instead of sacrificing my life to God to be led by the spirit in my eatting habits. Yesterday I had a good day. I ate healthy and all raw and I didn't overeat and I worked out hard at the gym but today was not as good. I was suppose to workout today and I had plenty of time to but what did I do when I got home from work...I pigged out. And if I eat something when I get home from work, I lose all my motivation to go workout. It makes me mad that I am so rebellious after everything that I know and after God has been so good to me!

I know that until I get obedient to Him is this area of my life, I won't be able to fulfill God's purpose for my life. Plus God has showed me that my future husband is waiting for me once I totally surrender my whole life to him. What's wrong with me...? I have so many things to motivate me to give my whole life to God but i'm am still giving permission to the devil to control me! God pointed out to me today that yes it is hard and I am going to suffer but the suffering I am going to have is nothing compared to what Jesus had to suffer for us. The suffering we have now is nothing compared to the glory he will give us later. If you commit to fulfilling your mission in life no matter what it costs, you will experience the blessings of God in ways that few people ever experience.

Another thing that God showed me today was that just because you get into the word everyday doesn't make you right with God. Knowledge increases reponsibility. You have to obey what you know. If you know a lot, God will hold you accountable for all that you know and if you do something that God told you to do or not to do, you are sinning period. Even if it isn't a sin to other people, if God is dealing with you on something and you aren't obeying him, you are choosing death. I can see where compromising is starting to get me into trouble too. Obedience means more to Him than sacrific. Thank you Lord everyday for your grace, love and mercy!

Some other key words and verses I read today:
No servant can serve 2 masters.
Don't trade your life for temporary things."
Anyone who lets himself be distracted from the work I plan for him is not fit for the Kingdom of God." -Luke 9:62"
Over and over God resues them, but they never learned, until their sins destoyed them." -Psalm 106:43
If you fail to fulfill your God-given mission on earth, you will have wasted the life God gave you. It is vital that you stay focused on God's plan, not your pain or problem.

Trip to California

The area is so beautiful. The hardest part about the move was the long drive here. About 40 miles before I arrived in here, I got this unexplained increase of peace and joy and a sense that I was doing the right thing. The feeling was amazing and I could have cried because I had so much joy but I fought it because I wasn't alone.

One of my biggest worries was where to live. The apartment search went very well. There was a place that from day one of my search for an apartment stood out a little more that the others. I had a lot of choices and was confused about what to do must of the time, but once again, I had this unexplained sense this apartment complex was the place I should live at, but the sense wasn't strong enough to make me quit searching. I even spent several hours researching and printing info about apartments the day before I left but while I doing all of this, I felt like God was telling me to quit wasting me time because I already knew the answer. This is just another example of how I should have given all of my problem to him while having faith that he will take care of it without worrying about it.

The first thing we did once we arrived in here was check out the apartments. The apartment I'm living in now was the first one I was going to look at, but I got mixed around on my directions and we drove past my second choice so we stopped there first. The office at that apartment complexes was closed at the time for some reason, and it wasn't lunch time. After that we went to check out my first choice. After the tour and the meeting we had with the manager and associates, I didn't need to look anymore. I knew this was the place, and my mom also felt the same. This move was very hard on my mom but I think she has a tad bit more peace about it now that she saw the place and she meet the associates.

Another thing was that on the phone a month ago,because of a special they were having, they told me a price that was about a hundred dollars less than what I'm paying now a month in rent. Even though the special ended and I have to pay the original price per month that is ok because God showed me that the only reason why I was considering them was because of the special price that put them in my (not God's) price range and if I would have been going on the price posted on their website, I probably won't even considered that apartment.
Another worry I had was if I was going to find an apartment that would have enough space and closet space for all of my stuff. I'm happy to say that I have more than enough space. The apartment is very spacious and I have 2 big closets with built in organizers in my bedroom, a closet in the dining room and a big closet connected to my balcony that I've barely touched.

There are also so many other various things that has happened to me since I've been here that has showed me God's favor and his faithfulness.

I think I know one reason why God sent me here and that is to do some pruning on my character. It's very different to be the one who's the minority in more ways than one. It has opened my eyes to some things. But I think I'm dealing with the culture change moderately well so far. Work is definitely going to be a challenge for me but I have hope that the challenges I face are ones that are going to make me a better person.

Purpose of this journal

God has been dealing with me for a long time on keeping a journal on the experiences I go through and the lessons I learned. I finally started the journal after I read the book "The Purpose Driven Life" for the second time. I read the book the first time a little more than a year ago before I was born again spirit-filled, and before God showed me his purpose for my life.

The book really convicted and encouraged me to quit procrasinating on starting a spiritual journal by these statements:

Sharing your testimony is an essential part of your mission on earth because it is unique. There is no other story just like yours.

It's easy to get distacted, b/c Satan would rather have you do anything besides sharing your faith.

God has given you a Life Message to share. You only have a short time to share your life message and fulfill your mission.

If you fail to fulfill your God given mission on earth, you will have wasted the life God gave you.

You owe it to furure generations to perserve the testimony of how God helped you fulfill his purposes on earth.

The more you know, the more God expects you to use that knowledge to help others.

God holds you responsible for the unbelievers who live around you.

Shared stories build a relational bridge that Jesus can walk across from your heart to others.

If you don't share your story, it will be lost forever.

Personal testmonies are easier to relate to and they bypass intellectual defenses.

Is anyone going to heaven because of you? The eternal salvation of a single soul is more important than anything else you will ever achieve in life. Only people are going to last forever.

While it is wise to learn from experience, it is wiser to learn from the experiences of others."to do his work and speak out for him, to tell others of the night-and-day difference he made for you." -1 Peter 2:9

Your life is a journey, and a journey deserves a journal.

Writing helps clarify what God is doing in your life.

The truth is, whatever you can't talk abut is already out of control in your life.

Hiding your heart only intensifies it.

You are only as sick as your secrets.

Take off your mask, stop pretending you're perfect, and walk in freedom.