Revelation & the dark night of the soul
Lately I have not made spending time with God and spending time in the word a priority. I know that my strength comes from being in the word and when I don't spend quality time in the word, I feel the consequences and I lose my strength and peace. Jesus said, "Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God."(Matthew 4:4)
I have been struggling lately and I am in desperate need of the word. I had today off and my main priority was to spend some quality time with my Heavenly Father. Until the last couple of weeks, I would always read for an hour or so before I would go to bed. But lately, I would put if off and not do it or I would try and read but I would fall asleep before I could even finish reading the first page. Today I listened to Joyce Meyer speak for a couple of hours and then I read and took notes on the book "Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren. This book has been such a blessing to me and I think it is a book everyone should read at least once. The chapters/days I read today was 14(When God Seems Distant), 15(Formed For God's Family), and 16(What Matters Most).
Both the book and what Joyce was speaking about reveled to me some major truths that I needed to hear and it helped me view what's going on in my life in a different light. Currently I have been beating myself up pretty bad about my behavior and the situation I am in. I have been feeling a lot of shame and guilt because I have not conquered my food battle, the battle I have to go through if I want to see God's purpose for my life to come true. On top of that, my life feels crazy and I am feeling distant from God and I feel like he is punishing me in many ways for my disobedience. I lost a lot of my peace and joy because I felt like I was disappointing Him. It blesses me to know now that God is not mad at me and that he is testing me to bring me up to a higher level with Him.
To mature the friendship, God will test it with periods of seeming separation -times when it feels as if he has abandoned or forgotten me. God has promised, "I will never leave you nor forsake you."(Deuteronomy 31:8) But God has not promised, "you will always feel my presence." When I did everything I could think of and God still seemed distant I started to wonder what the heck was wrong with me. The truth was, there is nothing wrong with me. This is a normal part of the testing and maturing of your friendship with God. Every Christian goes through it at least once and usually several times. The testing is painful and disconcerting, but is absolutely vital for the development of your faith. The deepest level of worship is praising God in spite of pain, thanking Him during a trial, trusting him when tempted, surrendering while suffering, and loving Him when he seems distant.
Because God seemed distant from me, I felt as if He was angry with me or was disciplining me for some sin. Sin does disconnect us from intimate fellowship with God. We grieve God's spirit and quench our fellowship with Him by disobedience, conflict with others, busyness, friendship with the world and other sins.(Psalm 51; Ephesians 4:29-30; Thessalonians 5:19; Jeremiah 2:23; 1 Corinthians 8:12; James 4:4) It's so refreshing to hear that often the feeling of abandonment or estrangement from God has nothing to do with sin. It is a test of faith - one we all must face. One which will show if we continue to love, trust, obey and worship God when we have no sense of his presence or visible evidence of His work in our life. God often removes our feelings so we don't depend on them. Seeking a feeling, even the closeness to Christ, is not worship. Faith, not feelings, pleases God. The situations that will stretch our faith most will be those times when life falls apart and God is no where to be found. Admitting our hopelessness to God can be a statement of faith.
During times of spiritual dryness we must patiently rely on the promises of God, not our emotions, and realize that He is taking us to a deeper level of maturity. We shouldn't be troubled by trouble because circumstances cannot change the character of God. Job held on to God's word and said, " I have not departed from the commands of his lips; I have treasured the words of his mouth more than my daily bread."(Job 23:13) Job's trust in God's word caused Job to remain faithful even though nothing made sense. His faith was strong in the midst of pain. "God may kill me, but I will trust him."(Job 13:15)
We must remember what God has already done for us. "Christ was without sin, but for our sake God made him share our sin in order that in union with him we might share the righteouness of God."(2 Corinthians 5:21) Jesus gave up everything so we could have everything. He died so we could live forever. That alone is worthy of our continual thanks and praise. Never again should we wonder what we have to be thankful for. In times of trouble is the time we need to hold on more than ever to God. We need to focus on who God is and His unchanging nature. He is good, he loves us and he knows what we're going though, he cares and he has a good plan for our life.
After learning this truth, I have become aware of some of the ways in which I am passing the test and ways in which I am failing the test. Like today, I failed because I didn't go to church because I didn't feel like it. When I feel shame and guilt, I isolate myself. Another example is last week at the Spirit West Coast Christian music festival, I didn't stay and fulfill my commitment by being on the ministry team and serving during the alter calls because I had my own issues I was dealing with and I felt distant from God and I didn't have enough faith in God because I feared that I wasn't connected enough with Him which would have enable me to minister to the people that wanted to accept Jesus Christ as their Savior.
The harder it is for me to do something, the more powerful it is going to be when I do it. I have to act right when I feel wrong. I need to learn to do what right not because of a feeling I have but because of a choice I must make. Plus, I need to quit being selfish and quit having a religious attitude. There is only one thing that will keep my mind off of myself and it is to purposely keep my mind on what I can do for someone else. I need to do something for someone else or I'm not going to he happy. It is more of a blessing to give than to receive. God wants cheerful givers. I'm so tired of being selfish and self-centered because it is causing me to lose all of my zeal and passion and my joy. No matter how big my problem is, there is someone else out there that has a bigger problem and what will solve my problem is to do something for them. I need to reach out and use my gift of compassion.
One statement that Joyce Meyer said that convicted me was "don't let your miracle become your memorial." That was exactly what I was letting happen. We can't become ho-hum and let our beautiful miracles (salvation, new birth, job, etc...) become our memorial. I have to get a new attitude so I can have fire again. God wants us to serve him with fire. The devil is scared of fire. God doesn't want dead stuff. He wants living sacrifices. God wants me to serve him with a burning desire, not out of obligation. I should feel privileged to serve him for all that he has done for me!
I have been struggling lately and I am in desperate need of the word. I had today off and my main priority was to spend some quality time with my Heavenly Father. Until the last couple of weeks, I would always read for an hour or so before I would go to bed. But lately, I would put if off and not do it or I would try and read but I would fall asleep before I could even finish reading the first page. Today I listened to Joyce Meyer speak for a couple of hours and then I read and took notes on the book "Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren. This book has been such a blessing to me and I think it is a book everyone should read at least once. The chapters/days I read today was 14(When God Seems Distant), 15(Formed For God's Family), and 16(What Matters Most).
Both the book and what Joyce was speaking about reveled to me some major truths that I needed to hear and it helped me view what's going on in my life in a different light. Currently I have been beating myself up pretty bad about my behavior and the situation I am in. I have been feeling a lot of shame and guilt because I have not conquered my food battle, the battle I have to go through if I want to see God's purpose for my life to come true. On top of that, my life feels crazy and I am feeling distant from God and I feel like he is punishing me in many ways for my disobedience. I lost a lot of my peace and joy because I felt like I was disappointing Him. It blesses me to know now that God is not mad at me and that he is testing me to bring me up to a higher level with Him.
To mature the friendship, God will test it with periods of seeming separation -times when it feels as if he has abandoned or forgotten me. God has promised, "I will never leave you nor forsake you."(Deuteronomy 31:8) But God has not promised, "you will always feel my presence." When I did everything I could think of and God still seemed distant I started to wonder what the heck was wrong with me. The truth was, there is nothing wrong with me. This is a normal part of the testing and maturing of your friendship with God. Every Christian goes through it at least once and usually several times. The testing is painful and disconcerting, but is absolutely vital for the development of your faith. The deepest level of worship is praising God in spite of pain, thanking Him during a trial, trusting him when tempted, surrendering while suffering, and loving Him when he seems distant.
Because God seemed distant from me, I felt as if He was angry with me or was disciplining me for some sin. Sin does disconnect us from intimate fellowship with God. We grieve God's spirit and quench our fellowship with Him by disobedience, conflict with others, busyness, friendship with the world and other sins.(Psalm 51; Ephesians 4:29-30; Thessalonians 5:19; Jeremiah 2:23; 1 Corinthians 8:12; James 4:4) It's so refreshing to hear that often the feeling of abandonment or estrangement from God has nothing to do with sin. It is a test of faith - one we all must face. One which will show if we continue to love, trust, obey and worship God when we have no sense of his presence or visible evidence of His work in our life. God often removes our feelings so we don't depend on them. Seeking a feeling, even the closeness to Christ, is not worship. Faith, not feelings, pleases God. The situations that will stretch our faith most will be those times when life falls apart and God is no where to be found. Admitting our hopelessness to God can be a statement of faith.
During times of spiritual dryness we must patiently rely on the promises of God, not our emotions, and realize that He is taking us to a deeper level of maturity. We shouldn't be troubled by trouble because circumstances cannot change the character of God. Job held on to God's word and said, " I have not departed from the commands of his lips; I have treasured the words of his mouth more than my daily bread."(Job 23:13) Job's trust in God's word caused Job to remain faithful even though nothing made sense. His faith was strong in the midst of pain. "God may kill me, but I will trust him."(Job 13:15)
We must remember what God has already done for us. "Christ was without sin, but for our sake God made him share our sin in order that in union with him we might share the righteouness of God."(2 Corinthians 5:21) Jesus gave up everything so we could have everything. He died so we could live forever. That alone is worthy of our continual thanks and praise. Never again should we wonder what we have to be thankful for. In times of trouble is the time we need to hold on more than ever to God. We need to focus on who God is and His unchanging nature. He is good, he loves us and he knows what we're going though, he cares and he has a good plan for our life.
After learning this truth, I have become aware of some of the ways in which I am passing the test and ways in which I am failing the test. Like today, I failed because I didn't go to church because I didn't feel like it. When I feel shame and guilt, I isolate myself. Another example is last week at the Spirit West Coast Christian music festival, I didn't stay and fulfill my commitment by being on the ministry team and serving during the alter calls because I had my own issues I was dealing with and I felt distant from God and I didn't have enough faith in God because I feared that I wasn't connected enough with Him which would have enable me to minister to the people that wanted to accept Jesus Christ as their Savior.
The harder it is for me to do something, the more powerful it is going to be when I do it. I have to act right when I feel wrong. I need to learn to do what right not because of a feeling I have but because of a choice I must make. Plus, I need to quit being selfish and quit having a religious attitude. There is only one thing that will keep my mind off of myself and it is to purposely keep my mind on what I can do for someone else. I need to do something for someone else or I'm not going to he happy. It is more of a blessing to give than to receive. God wants cheerful givers. I'm so tired of being selfish and self-centered because it is causing me to lose all of my zeal and passion and my joy. No matter how big my problem is, there is someone else out there that has a bigger problem and what will solve my problem is to do something for them. I need to reach out and use my gift of compassion.
One statement that Joyce Meyer said that convicted me was "don't let your miracle become your memorial." That was exactly what I was letting happen. We can't become ho-hum and let our beautiful miracles (salvation, new birth, job, etc...) become our memorial. I have to get a new attitude so I can have fire again. God wants us to serve him with fire. The devil is scared of fire. God doesn't want dead stuff. He wants living sacrifices. God wants me to serve him with a burning desire, not out of obligation. I should feel privileged to serve him for all that he has done for me!
posted by ENS at 9:01 PM
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