This past month or so I have been really homesick. I really miss my family and my church. I think one of the reasons I've been more homesick than usual is because I've missed my mom and my sisters birthday celebrations that was in April and my dad just celebrated his birthday 2 days ago. Plus I missed mother's day and I miss my 4 month old nephew that I've seen once.
My mom turned 50 and my dad threw her a big surprise party with a band and everything. You don't realize just how much you take for granted things in life till one day it's not there anymore. I think the thing that hurt me the most is that I actually could have flew home and been there that night because I had a 3 day weekend (which is rare) but the reason I didn't is the same reason why I not living my life to the fullest...because of my screwed up body image. I'm the biggest I ever been and I feel like a failure and don't want people seeing me this way. I'm suppose to be 'miss healthy' but you wouldn't be able to tell by my looks. It's pretty sad that I would let such a small thing stop me from seeing my family and giving my mother a wonderful present, my presence. I told my mom that I thought about surprising her at her party and she told me that would have been the best b-day present. I'm tired on putting off things and thinking life would be better once I lose weight. I know it's a big lie from the devil but why do I continue to believe it? I'm letting the devil rob me of my joy.
A couple of days ago I was having a conversation with my boss and something we were talking about really made me think. We were talking about money and being prepared when opportunities come around. He said the worst thing is not being able to grab a hold of the opportunity that is right in front of you because you weren't prepared to take it. He was specifically talking about promotions and having the money saved up so you would be able to move to accept that promotion but I viewed that lesson in many other ways that related to my life. The first one is preparing my mind and my body to become a personal trainer. The second one is preparing myself for marriage. Those were the two major ones that I was thinking about and they deal with the same thing. Me totally surrendering and being led by the spirit instead of me giving in to my flesh. It's time I quit stalling and start living my life.
