You have not because you ask not
One the main reasons why I have been struggling so much lately is because I have been trying to overcome my problems with my own strength. I guess I figured that if I have enough faith and I tried hard enough, then I wouldn't have all these problems. But where I was wrong was in the fact that I still didn't quite understand God's amazing grace.
The first time I started to understand God's grace was when I became born again, spirit filled. At that point, I totally understood that I didn't deserve one good thing from God. Here was this pitiful girl living her life the way she wanted to in college and by God's grace, in the midst of my dirtiness, He saved me and gave me a new life. I was so extremely grateful because I knew I didn't desire it. But it seemed like from that point on, I wanted to deserve everything that He gave me. Then because I felt that way, I thought that everything that I did wrong, disqualified me from God's blessings. And because I realized I'm far from perfect, I became really frustrated.
I tried and I tried and I tried and I couldn't understand what my problem was. I tried so hard and had all this faith, why didn't I have the power to overcome this eating disorder and why it was getting worse. I was relying on my faith to get me blessings from God. But the thing is, our faith is a channel for which we receive grace from God. Just like when we are saved, it's all by grace, through faith, that we are saved. We shouldn't worship the channel and get our eyes off the source, which is the grace of God. If we just have faith but we are not open to receive from God, no matter how much faith we have, we are still not receiving what we need cause grace is the power of God coming through our faith to meet the need.
The reason I was so frustrated and stopped receiving the grace of God was not because I didn't have enough faith. It was because I stopped leaning on God. I stopped asking Him to help me with everything that dealt with my eating disorder. A lot of it had to do with my pride. I was impatient and I tried to figure out what my problem was and I tried to solve it in my own timing. The more I tried to do it on my own, the more I failed and got discourage because God was not going to let me succeed by my works of the flesh. He will go out of His way to make it known that we can't do anything without Him. What ever we try to accomplish on our own, God will not permit us to do it. He will block us and frustrate us till we give in and humble ourselves and come to Him for everything.
I couple of days ago I was thinking again about why I could let something so simple get away from me, the fact that we have not because we ask not. Then God showed me that it's because I felt so ashamed and guilty that I felt like I couldn't ask God for anything because I felt like I didn't deserve His help and I wasn't open to receiving His grace. The problem was I didn't have an attitude of thanksgiving because I thought that if I did something right, then I deserved His grace and there is no powerful living apart from thanksgiving.
Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. -Philippians 4:6-7 (KJV)
For we do not have a High Priest Who is unable to understand and sympathize and have a shared feeling with our weaknesses and infirmities and liability to the assaults of temptation, but One Who has been tempted in every respect as we are, yet without sinning. Let us then fearlessly and confidently and boldly draw near to the throne of grace (the throne of God's unmerited favor to us sinners), that we may receive mercy [for our failures] and find grace to help in good time for every need [appropriate help and well-timed help, coming just when we need it]. -Hebrews 4:15-16 (Amplified Bible)
If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. -James 1:5-6 (NIV)
The first time I started to understand God's grace was when I became born again, spirit filled. At that point, I totally understood that I didn't deserve one good thing from God. Here was this pitiful girl living her life the way she wanted to in college and by God's grace, in the midst of my dirtiness, He saved me and gave me a new life. I was so extremely grateful because I knew I didn't desire it. But it seemed like from that point on, I wanted to deserve everything that He gave me. Then because I felt that way, I thought that everything that I did wrong, disqualified me from God's blessings. And because I realized I'm far from perfect, I became really frustrated.
I tried and I tried and I tried and I couldn't understand what my problem was. I tried so hard and had all this faith, why didn't I have the power to overcome this eating disorder and why it was getting worse. I was relying on my faith to get me blessings from God. But the thing is, our faith is a channel for which we receive grace from God. Just like when we are saved, it's all by grace, through faith, that we are saved. We shouldn't worship the channel and get our eyes off the source, which is the grace of God. If we just have faith but we are not open to receive from God, no matter how much faith we have, we are still not receiving what we need cause grace is the power of God coming through our faith to meet the need.
The reason I was so frustrated and stopped receiving the grace of God was not because I didn't have enough faith. It was because I stopped leaning on God. I stopped asking Him to help me with everything that dealt with my eating disorder. A lot of it had to do with my pride. I was impatient and I tried to figure out what my problem was and I tried to solve it in my own timing. The more I tried to do it on my own, the more I failed and got discourage because God was not going to let me succeed by my works of the flesh. He will go out of His way to make it known that we can't do anything without Him. What ever we try to accomplish on our own, God will not permit us to do it. He will block us and frustrate us till we give in and humble ourselves and come to Him for everything.
I couple of days ago I was thinking again about why I could let something so simple get away from me, the fact that we have not because we ask not. Then God showed me that it's because I felt so ashamed and guilty that I felt like I couldn't ask God for anything because I felt like I didn't deserve His help and I wasn't open to receiving His grace. The problem was I didn't have an attitude of thanksgiving because I thought that if I did something right, then I deserved His grace and there is no powerful living apart from thanksgiving.
Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. -Philippians 4:6-7 (KJV)
For we do not have a High Priest Who is unable to understand and sympathize and have a shared feeling with our weaknesses and infirmities and liability to the assaults of temptation, but One Who has been tempted in every respect as we are, yet without sinning. Let us then fearlessly and confidently and boldly draw near to the throne of grace (the throne of God's unmerited favor to us sinners), that we may receive mercy [for our failures] and find grace to help in good time for every need [appropriate help and well-timed help, coming just when we need it]. -Hebrews 4:15-16 (Amplified Bible)
If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. -James 1:5-6 (NIV)
posted by ENS at 9:15 PM
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